Attero Dominatus
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|  | Downfall
« Thread Started on May 28, 2009, 3:05am » | ![[Quote]](http://images.proboards.com/buttons/quote.gif "[Quote]") |
This is a story I got started on that was inspired by 1984, specifically Julia. Natalya Orlova is a free spirited woman who does not let a few rules get in the way. It was to be through one of her sexual adventures that she eventually gains access to a secret archive which contains forbidden information on how this communist 'utopia' came to be (through a genetically developed pandemic designed to cause enough political destabilization and mass starvation to kill off much of the world's population and offer Eden as a haven from the anarchy). Unlike 1984, she and the man who defected to her side were to win.
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Natalya Orlova luxuriated in the hot water pouring down over her naked body as she did every morning. It was refreshing, soothing, and helped to wake her up. She did this for about five minutes, and then scrubbed herself down and washed her hair during the remaining five minutes before the timer cut off the flow. Water was one of the many things rationed in Eden.
She dried herself off and admired her long-legged, lithe and statuesque body in the mirror. She looked into her own icy blue eyes with pride; she was beautiful and she knew it. She pulled her straight blonde hair into a pony tail and put on her navy-colored overalls, the only thing that civilians were allowed to wear, as dull and utilitarian as her apartment and every other place. When it was issued to her, she chose a suit one size too small, to make the outline of her body more pronounced. She then walked into the kitchenette, ate a ration bar and walked out. The first thing she noticed, as always, was a camera at the end of the corridor. Its presence never failed to unsettle her; to be watched by people who assumed everyone was criminal was a very unsettling feeling. She thought about the sheer totality of the surveillance. In Eden, everyone was monitored; even the pitiful excuses for homes were not safe, as they were monitored as well. Everyone was watched on camera, listened to on hidden microphones, all phone conversations were recorded, all network activity was packet-sniffed, and all biometrics data was stored in vast databases. It was all to look for dissidents like her, as well as any other 'class enemies.' She shook the thought off and continued on to the elevators.
The first thing she saw once the lift's doors slide open was a painting of an moderately pretty black-haired woman in a fancy dress uniform, standing tall above anonymous silhouettes. Below the painting, the caption read:
The Seeress Cherishes All.
Once she got to the lobby, she stood still in a red circle and allowed a camera to scan her face. Once her facial features were matched to those stored in the database, the doors unlocked. Once she walked out, the cool morning air filled her lungs. The sky was cloudless and the sun was low on the horizon. It was clean and clear and without a scent, in spite of the factories and refineries that looked like an ugly forest of metal from where she stood. Every building in the residential sector looked the same; angular, metallic and banal. It was the same with almost every structure in every sector, giving the city-state a cold and mechanical look. The only buildings that stood out were the four huge government buildings. Their art-deco appearance was designed to project power with their mere appearance. One such structure was the Department Of Information, her place of work. The others were the Department Of Security, headquarters of the Enforcers and the Department Of Finance, where the state-run economy was managed. They surrounded an eighteen hundred meter spire in the center of the city-state at equidistant points. The tower was known as the Citadel, which housed the party headquarters, congressional hall, the residences of the Seeress and the other bureaucrats and transmitters at its nine hundred meter summit. She continued along the squeaky clean street, with other people headed to toil at their places within the worker's paradise. A helicopter drone buzzed overhead on its patrol route, ready to direct Enforcers to the sight of a disturbance and support them with its weapons.
She walked down into a maglev station and approached a checkpoint, which was guarded by Enforcers, the city-state's paramilitary security force. They were dressed in black riot armor. Their rifles were openly displayed, to add to the intimidation and their faces were hidden behind masks, which protected them from gas weapons and hid their faces from view to protect against identification. They stared at her as she walked through the scanner arch, which used sub-millimeter radar to scan her body for weapons or contraband. The maglev trains were the only way for civilians to pass from one sector to another and the tunnels could be blocked by heavy blast doors if necessary. She walked into the huge concrete antechamber and stood on the landing with other people waiting for the next train. A very slight ozone smell permeated the air, a result of the vast amounts of electricity that flowed through the linear motors that kept the trains aloft and moving. A few men stole glances at her, and she returned their quick and subtle smiles. Outright flirting would be seen as suspicious behavior by the Enforcers watching through the cameras.
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The price of freedom is eternal VigilanceThomas Jefferson |
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Floyd Looney
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| | Re: Downfall
« Reply #1 on May 28, 2009, 10:38am » | |
That is a very interesting beginning to a story. I think I would definitely keep reading.
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Floyd Looney
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| | Re: Downfall
« Reply #2 on May 29, 2009, 2:44am » | |
I think this story has some potential. I wonder though, if such a society could keep those MagLev trains working properly?
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Attero Dominatus
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| | Re: Downfall
« Reply #3 on May 29, 2009, 3:05am » | |
The setting is meant to take into account technologies that George Orwell did not forsee, and to give it a Gattaca like quality (high tech, but cold and sterile). But maybe you are right, it would be hard for a post-apocalyptic society to maintain stuff that is too advanced. Maybe if I get back to writing it, they could be having problems keeping that and other parts of the infrastructure running.
In fact, you gave me an idea by pointing that out. There have been no technological advancements since Great Death, and the technology that is seen in the story is wearing down because of the communist system itself. The 'atlases' who developed that technology were killed off long ago.
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The price of freedom is eternal VigilanceThomas Jefferson |
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Floyd Looney
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| | Re: Downfall
« Reply #4 on May 29, 2009, 3:09am » | |
Now that sounds like it could impact the story too
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Attero Dominatus
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Ipsa Scienta Potestas Est
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| | Re: Downfall
« Reply #5 on May 29, 2009, 6:30pm » | |
Yes. Maybe Natalya could uncover a plot to destroy technology and make the place an agrarian communist society, like Pol Pot tried to do with Cambodia.
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The price of freedom is eternal VigilanceThomas Jefferson |
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Floyd Looney
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| | Re: Downfall
« Reply #6 on May 31, 2009, 4:42pm » | |
there a lot of directions it could go
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