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 Author | Topic: Running Silent (working title) (Read 980 times) |
Attero Dominatus
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|  | Re: Running Silent (working title)
« Reply #30 on Jul 25, 2009, 7:48pm » | ![[Quote]](http://images.proboards.com/buttons/quote.gif "[Quote]") |
It is very difficult to not use the word 'I' a lot in a first person story, if that is what you mean. Long sentences help and give room for extra detail and crafting sentences to minimize it (such as 'the nuke flash blinded me' rather than 'the last thing I saw was the nuke flash') but it is unavoidable.
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The price of freedom is eternal VigilanceThomas Jefferson |
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Floyd Looney
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| | Re: Running Silent (working title)
« Reply #31 on Jul 25, 2009, 8:08pm » | |
I will definitely have to revise some of it to cut down on the I's... maybe we could come up with a story about a haunted Kindle?
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Attero Dominatus
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| | Re: Running Silent (working title)
« Reply #32 on Jul 26, 2009, 1:46pm » | |
Maybe. A soul trapped in it or something.
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The price of freedom is eternal VigilanceThomas Jefferson |
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Floyd Looney
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| | Re: Running Silent (working title)
« Reply #33 on Jul 26, 2009, 6:11pm » | |
BTW= Another page added to VISION last night in the Ongoing section
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Attero Dominatus
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| | Re: Running Silent (working title)
« Reply #34 on Jul 26, 2009, 6:38pm » | |
I just read it. Good job at capturing the desperation of the situation, especially the fate of the radiation victims. Looks like things are about to get ugly between the United Citizens Nation and New League. I look forward to seeing what comes next.
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The price of freedom is eternal VigilanceThomas Jefferson |
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Floyd Looney
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| | Re: Running Silent (working title)
« Reply #35 on Jul 26, 2009, 6:41pm » | |
I was editing it on MS Office when I got in the mood to finish that scene. I am also separating it into chapters, Chapter IV is the next one. I also have a long third chapter for Running Silent (working title) being crafted, they are about to go into their own combat situation.
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Attero Dominatus
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| | Re: Running Silent (working title)
« Reply #36 on Jul 27, 2009, 1:17am » | |
Cool, I look forward to seeing them.
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The price of freedom is eternal VigilanceThomas Jefferson |
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Floyd Looney
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| | Re: Running Silent (working title)
« Reply #37 on Jul 27, 2009, 1:58am » | |
Thanks, BTW this website is slowing down again. People sign up and they never come back. Thats just annoying.
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Attero Dominatus
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| | Re: Running Silent (working title)
« Reply #38 on Jul 27, 2009, 2:20am » | |
It is annoying indeed.
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The price of freedom is eternal VigilanceThomas Jefferson |
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Floyd Looney
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| | Re: Running Silent (working title)
« Reply #39 on Jul 27, 2009, 3:16am » | |
I kinda miss the 20+ people a day dropping by... I am gonna try to knock out that chapter of Running Silent (working title) so they will return.
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Floyd Looney
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| | Re: Running Silent (working title)
« Reply #40 on Aug 4, 2009, 5:49pm » | |
Chapter 3 posted in the Ongoing stories section
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Attero Dominatus
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| | Re: Running Silent (working title)
« Reply #41 on Aug 5, 2009, 2:45pm » | |
I just read the chapter. It was very good, and had a nice cliffhanger type ending, the kind of thing you want for a page-turner. I look forward to seeing what comes next.
Angel seems a bit overconfident about their chances against the hunters, or does she know something?
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The price of freedom is eternal VigilanceThomas Jefferson |
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Floyd Looney
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| | Re: Running Silent (working title)
« Reply #42 on Aug 5, 2009, 5:02pm » | |
Angel is young and looking forward to "getting" some bad guys. Yes she is very over-confident!
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