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Post by Floyd Looney on Jun 15, 2010 18:15:38 GMT -5
I do not want to cut n paste this. So I will just attach it as a PDF. It's a Chapter One. I have no idea what to do with it now. My problem is always follow-through on a story. This forum is a testament to that. Attachments:
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Post by Floyd Looney on Jun 15, 2010 18:18:47 GMT -5
Okay, so what happens next?
helping the newcomers adjust to life on Montoya?
some of the newcomers are a pain in the rear?
does Samantha Kitts come between Brad Black and Emony?
Who are these newcomers anyways?
former rebel leaders and their children who escape a fail plot on Earth or colony?
The rightful heir to the throne of a colony world or a nation on Earth who have been forced out with their entourage?
maybe they are all soldiers, even the children?
I dunno yet.
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Post by Attero Dominatus on Jun 15, 2010 19:21:02 GMT -5
That was a very enjoyable read, especially the bickering between Ted and Brad.
As for what happens next, I personally like the second two ideas; Samantha coming between Brad and Emony and some of the newcomers being PITAs.
As for who they are, I like the idea of them all being soldiers, or maybe in the process of going through life-long indoctrination and training to be soldiers. Maybe they were to pose as refugees to send to Earth intel on their strength, but fall in love with the freedom they have hear and become attached to the colonists and defect.
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Post by Floyd Looney on Jun 15, 2010 19:31:31 GMT -5
I think at least some of that will be in the story. I am starting on the second chapter now.
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Post by Floyd Looney on Jun 15, 2010 21:12:18 GMT -5
I guess I'll keep the whole thing from the kids POV too. Somehow.
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Post by Attero Dominatus on Jun 15, 2010 22:05:16 GMT -5
I look forward to seeing it.
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Post by Floyd Looney on Jun 16, 2010 0:25:40 GMT -5
Second Chapter is the "Grand Tour". lol
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Post by Floyd Looney on Jun 16, 2010 17:24:21 GMT -5
I look forward to seeing it. Okay. Here is the file with the second chapter added. edit- Forget that file. Scroll down to read chap 3 and part of 4 too. Will update again later too.Attachments:
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Post by Floyd Looney on Jun 17, 2010 12:45:04 GMT -5
So the thing is trying to decide how life would be for kids in such a primitive but future culture. With a 12-year old boy trying to figure out who these people are and where they came from and why they are there. What kind of people are they?
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Post by Floyd Looney on Jun 17, 2010 14:39:02 GMT -5
Here it is with Chapter 3 and part of 4 added. Will update later today. Attachments:
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Post by Floyd Looney on Jun 17, 2010 16:21:25 GMT -5
I think something about their identity should be revealed in Chapter 4. I just don't know exactly where I'm going with this.
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Post by Attero Dominatus on Jun 17, 2010 22:39:23 GMT -5
I liked that. The plot thickens.
And I agree, something should be revealed in the next chapter. Maybe Samantha could tell Brad something but never manage to finish.
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Post by Floyd Looney on Jun 17, 2010 23:10:25 GMT -5
Yes, she does reveal something, but not everything, to Brad. She trusted him to keep it a secret it seems.
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Post by Floyd Looney on Jun 17, 2010 23:18:49 GMT -5
Here it is with the complete fourth chapter. Attachments:
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Post by Attero Dominatus on Jun 17, 2010 23:51:48 GMT -5
The fourth chapter was good. Nice cliffhanger at the end, revealing why they arrived but no further information.
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