|
|
Post by Attero Dominatus on Jul 25, 2009 19:48:47 GMT -5
It is very difficult to not use the word 'I' a lot in a first person story, if that is what you mean. Long sentences help and give room for extra detail and crafting sentences to minimize it (such as 'the nuke flash blinded me' rather than 'the last thing I saw was the nuke flash') but it is unavoidable.
|
|
|
|
Post by Floyd Looney on Jul 25, 2009 20:08:11 GMT -5
I will definitely have to revise some of it to cut down on the I's... maybe we could come up with a story about a haunted Kindle?
|
|
|
|
Post by Attero Dominatus on Jul 26, 2009 13:46:06 GMT -5
Maybe. A soul trapped in it or something.
|
|
|
|
Post by Floyd Looney on Jul 26, 2009 18:11:03 GMT -5
BTW= Another page added to VISION last night in the Ongoing section
|
|
|
|
Post by Attero Dominatus on Jul 26, 2009 18:38:02 GMT -5
I just read it. Good job at capturing the desperation of the situation, especially the fate of the radiation victims. Looks like things are about to get ugly between the United Citizens Nation and New League. I look forward to seeing what comes next.
|
|
|
|
Post by Floyd Looney on Jul 26, 2009 18:41:08 GMT -5
I was editing it on MS Office when I got in the mood to finish that scene. I am also separating it into chapters, Chapter IV is the next one. I also have a long third chapter for Running Silent (working title) being crafted, they are about to go into their own combat situation.
|
|
|
|
Post by Attero Dominatus on Jul 27, 2009 1:17:17 GMT -5
Cool, I look forward to seeing them.
|
|
|
|
Post by Floyd Looney on Jul 27, 2009 1:58:49 GMT -5
Thanks, BTW this website is slowing down again. People sign up and they never come back. Thats just annoying.
|
|
|
|
Post by Attero Dominatus on Jul 27, 2009 2:20:41 GMT -5
It is annoying indeed.
|
|
|
|
Post by Floyd Looney on Jul 27, 2009 3:16:58 GMT -5
I kinda miss the 20+ people a day dropping by... I am gonna try to knock out that chapter of Running Silent (working title) so they will return.
|
|
|
|
Post by Floyd Looney on Aug 4, 2009 17:49:41 GMT -5
Chapter 3 posted in the Ongoing stories section
|
|
|
|
Post by Attero Dominatus on Aug 5, 2009 14:45:38 GMT -5
I just read the chapter. It was very good, and had a nice cliffhanger type ending, the kind of thing you want for a page-turner. I look forward to seeing what comes next.
Angel seems a bit overconfident about their chances against the hunters, or does she know something?
|
|
|
|
Post by Floyd Looney on Aug 5, 2009 17:02:58 GMT -5
Angel is young and looking forward to "getting" some bad guys. Yes she is very over-confident!
|
|
